A Look at Easter. . .Yep, It’s Still There. . .

There was a recent “uproar” from the “Religious Right”, concerning the 3-dimensional rendering done by some artists made from the “Shroud of Turin”. There are a couple things I’d like to address concerning this “Uproar”. For “Christians”, who early on in their history, were routinely “Mauled to Death by Lions” in gladiator arenas. . . well, the “Religious RIGHT”, (who QUITE OFTEN gets it “WRONG”, in my estimation) seems to like to “uproar” more than the Lions that used to dine on their religious predecessors. The problem with the term “Religious RIGHT”, seems pretty obvious to me. Not just to me, but apparently to Millions of People, throughout the world since the beginning of time. People have been killing each other, because they thought that “Their Religion” was RIGHT. . . and what better way to say “God is Love”, than with a “Bunch of Killin’ “? Am I RIGHT?. . . If I’m not, there is no need to get “huffy” about it.

So when another “Religious Holiday” rolls around like “EASTER”. I like to don my “Holier than Thou” attire (complete with fancy headdress) and pronounce to all that will listen. . .
YOU ARE ALL A BUNCH OF IDIOTS!. . .

God Bless You. . .
To the zealots out there, professing their Religious Views to be THE ONLY TRUE DOGMA. . . I don’t REALLY think I am “Holier than Thou”. No, far from it. . . I am simply BETTER THAN YOU. . . Yes, YOU – Reverends Falwell, Robertson and Horton Heat.
But I digress (more than most), Back to this 3-D image of Jesus. . .
. . . Okay, I consider myself a Christian (I love when people say that, “I” say it, because I AM) But I feel a “tad” uncomfortable when women refer to him as “HOT”. . . In the same way that they refer to Tyler Lautner as “HOT”. BUT, not so uncomfortable that I want these women to be rounded up and exiled as if they made a Muhammad Cartoon. . ..


. . . All I’m saying is we really need to think about our Vacuum Cleaners a little more around the Holidays. . . (really? That isn’t what I was saying?. . . Hmm, could swear I was “getting” to that). Anyway, around Christmas, I shared with you the fact that I was a little “agitated” with the fact that the Holiday had really been turned into a COMMERCIALIZED DAY OF HEATHEN HOOPLA. . .
Well, maybe I didn’t say it exactly like that, but I remember being pissed. . .
I seem to remember a scene from “The BIBLE” (it was a REALLY GOOD movie, kind of LONG though- No wait, that was the book) in which the actor playing Jesus (always Willem Dafoe) cast some tax collectors off of the steps of a synagogue for collecting on a “Sabbath” (a “Sabbath” is a day when NO ONE is supposed to work, except the “wait staff” at wherever you decide to dine that day. . . Oh, and convenience store employees)
So what do we do as a “Society” when one of these “Jesus Days” comes along? I mean WWJD?(What Would Jesus Do? – For those of you who’ve either forgotten or can’t find that old plastic bracelet in your sock drawer) For starters I think he might kick the crap out of the Easter Bunny. (He can get MAD you know. He “Opened Up a Can” on those Tax Collectors) Then I think he might decide that we’ve been spending a little too much time “Spending Money” on STUPID CRAP. . . Like Chocolate Bunnies, Egg-dyeing kits, Easter Baskets, PLASTIC GREEN GRASS, and the like. . .


“Chill,” he would say, “Look at yourselves. . . Doesn’t this all seem a trifle CONTRIVED to you?” (He can go from “FULL-ON IN YOUR FACE” butt-kicker to “SAVIOR” in like, a milli-second. . . yeah, he’s THAT good)


But, NO – God (and in turn, his kid) have decided to let us DO OUR THING on these Holidays. (He doesn’t “Stir the Pot” much – guess we do that well enough on our own)  He lets us mill around down here, doing our best to “Screw Everything Up” (It’s like Ricki & Lucy) and waits. . . For WHAT, I’m not sure. . . So when you decide (Like MY family will, and DOES every year) to do the Commercial Holiday Thing, just stop for a second and remember what it is REALLY supposed to be about. . .


Your Vacuum Cleaner. . . Do you realize that during MOST of these “Jesus Days” we are wreaking havoc on our Vacuums? I mean, I personally have to buy a new one every year. Think about it. . . “Christmas” (by FAR the most “trash generating holiday”) all that wrapping paper, all those little bits of tinsle and tiny pieces of packaging. . . Then there is “New Years” (Not really a “Jesus Day”, unless you want to count the fact the every “New One” is counted after the year of his DEATH) but a REALLY MESSY one. . . Confetti up the ying yang (or all over your floor – depending on where you sit) Party Popper Residue. . . It’s a nightmare. . . Then we have “Easter”. Bits of egg shell, strewn out all over “God Knows Where” (and he DOES) silver chocolate wrappers, and the piece de resistance. . . That Green Plastic Grass. . . it tears up your vacuum belt, gets hung up on the roller and sends your happy ass on the way back to the store for a new vacuum. . . Just in time for “Spring Cleaning”. . . Just don’t ever do it on the “Sabbath”. . .


So I hope you at least take ONE positive away from this today. . . “Easter” will remain “just another Commercial Holiday” and there’s nothing “I” say that is going to change that. . .  But maybe you’ll think twice about getting “Green Plastic Grass”. . .


. . . ‘Til Then. . . Go Figg’r!


Peace Out – Later

D A N  

   
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