Wait Just One Minute! Sure. . .You Got Change for a Twenty?

. . . Can I have a minute of your time? . . . I think if you more closely analyzed what that request ACTUALLY entailed, you might be surprised how your “Usual” response to it – “Sure”, might quickly change to, “Are you kidding me? Step off Fool! I got to “make mine” and Time is Money! Bee-otch!” Though I personally could never say anything closely resembling that – in the vernacular, I would echo the sentiments involved. The problem in someone requesting “a minute” of my time is that usually – when that time is being asked for, there is rarely an equitable “Time for Goods Transaction” involved. If someone were to “Sweeten the Pot” by introducing something that I might actually “value” in some way, in exchange for my time, I would be far more likely to give them my attention. 
But it’s not just people wasting MY time. By the looks of it, there seem to be an abundance of people out there in the world today who are “WASTING THEIR TIME WITH ME”. I’ve even been told this very thing on more than one occasion:
“You are wasting MY time.”
“You are wasting YOUR time.”
and my favorite. . .
“Well, I can see I’m wasting MY time trying to explain this to YOU!”
I say, “Exactly! I could have told you that ‘VERY THING’ the second you opened your mouth and could have save us BOTH the time and obvious aggravation. . . “
Please note: When someone is wearing a suit and carrying a backpack( <—- very dedicated individuals – the Mormons)
 or approaches you at either a shopping mall or in a grocery store parking lot and asks the question, “Can I have a minute of your time”. You need to either

  • politely say “No”
  • tell them “I gave at the Office”
  • run as far as you can – as fast as you can
  • mace them 
  • shoot them in the face (not Mormons)

Oh sure. You could stick around and allow the person to actually “steal” those precious moments from you. But I’m trying to tell you how to avoid being a “victim” . For whatever reason there are those that aren’t convinced that “violence” or “physicality” are reasonable alternatives and still feel the need to “Hear Somebody Out”. Please, allow me to break it down for you in black and white, so that you too can be more efficient with your “Time Management” and fully understand exactly WHY this should be important to everyone that wants to enjoy Every Moment of Every Day:
It appears that in California (the state I currently hang around in, long enough to pay the bills – when I can) the current Minimum Wage is $8 USD per hour. (be pretty strange if we were paid in Euros) Are you still with me? (cause I do this stuff in “parenthesis” sometimes  and it can be distracting – don’t even get me started on “quotation marks”) Anyway, the State of California has decided those unfortunate souls that are forced to toil, bleed and DIE to bring us a better “Croissanwich” – in a timely manner – must do so at the “starting” pay rate of Eight Dollars “paid” for every 1 Hour of that type of LABOR “worked”. Now, there are obviously jobs in California that require far more “Mental Capacity” than “flipping burgers”. Like Bowling Alley Employee, Actor, School Bus Driver and Governor (I’ve worked an alley -‘bowling alley’ and a Burger King -in my ‘youth’ AND now drive a bus). These jobs can command anywhere from
$8.01 USD per Hour
 to A GajillionZillion Dollars per SECOND
  . I only point that out, because if there were a “sliding scale” available (there isn’t) that could show that we value the time of someone making our “Whoppers” LESS than we value the time of a Politician running our State into “the Crapper”. . . well we might have to “Pause for Thought” and in doing so. . . waste a “bunch more” time.
But, I’m “fairly” certain that what I’m saying is that we should VALUE OUR TIME. Look at it this way. At the “bare bones minimum” (in California) 8 dollars per hour -means 2 dollars every 15 minutes . . . right? Break it down even further. . . That means ONE dollar for every 7 and a half minutes. (I think you see where this is going) Every MINUTE of “WORK” is now worth approximately. . . 13 CENTS. Now, based on MINIMUM WAGE (depending on the “type” of work you DO) you are either grossly underpaid (Flipping Burgers)
 or outrageously overpaid (Governor or Actor – or Governor/Actor). All things being equal (they are NOT) in MY state, the Governor makes significantly MORE than Minimum  Wage ($206,500 USD per year) Though in fairness to Shwarzenegger
 , he doesn’t accept his wage. NO, not because he is a GREAT guy. Because he is already RICH and felt like there would be a lot less “pressure” to perform in a “manner befitting someone with a BRAIN” if he didn’t cash his paychecks. I’m told that he’s donated his income to such notable charities as “P*A*D*- PETS AGAINST DOMESTICATION” and medical research to bring an end to conditions such as 
S.A.G.G.Y.

“Sudden Austrian Glandular Gonad Yuckiness”
 . . . But the point is (I’m hoping) not only are we as PEOPLE not being valued as EQUAL, but our TIME isn’t either.
So I’ve “Crunched the Numbers”
 and still can’t make sense of it all. . . WHY is some people’s time viewed as MORE VALUABLE than someone else’s. Oh sure, I can understand someone who needs to pay off student loans, while performing “life-saving” surgery or “Teachers” (but only the ones that teach students to perform “life-saving” surgeries) But what about the rest of us? I’m still paying my student loans. I know where we keep the band-aids. But I don’t even like carving the Thanksgiving Turkey. (it’s a lot of pressure) As far as Pro Athletes and CELEBRITIES go. . . they are on a completely different level of “You’ve GOT to be KIDDING ME” than Politicians. What is it they DO again? . . exactly?. . .

EXACTLY. As for ME (I know you’ve been waiting) I will spend time ON people and WITH people. But I expect to be PAID. . . handsomely. If I were to “Pay Attention” to Everyone that wanted a piece of my time, I’d have nothing left for my family. So I treat most everyone as if I were being paid Minimum Wage. But please note that Minimum Wage (in my book – Coming Soon: in a real ‘nifty’ Leather-Bound Coffee Table Edition) means Minimum Effort. Time may be all I have to Give. So I VALUE MINE. I don’t have any MONEY to spend on people. I think I may have stashed enough away to buy a “Whopper or a Croissanwich” for the family. . . just ONE though. We’re on a BUDGET. In fact, my 5 year old just told me that it’s time to go. . . I said, “Wait a Sec. . . “
I better get going. . . I think she’s billing me. . .
‘Til Then . . . Go Figg’r!


Peace Out – Later

D A N 


Humor Blogs Blog directory
Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: