Money is Wasted on the Rich. . . and Bums


While amassing my substantial fortune employing a very well-defined and lucrative “business model”, I have picked up some very valuable information that I would like to share with you. . . it will cost you $5. (I kid) It seems very elementary in its simplicity, and to be honest, I am quite surprised that no one in the Business Community has come forward to share something , that to me, could bolster profits, dramatically reduce overhead and enable anyone willing to follow this plan to have a “leg up” on building their own Legacy of Financial SUCCESS. I would even go so far as to say, if the folks in WASHINGTON could stop whatever it is they do, and listen for a moment, we could reverse the damage done by a Slumping Economy and WIPE OUT the National Debt. Let me start by letting you in on a little secret. The National Debt isn’t even a real NUMBER. Whenever I see the Official National Debt “Clock” on CSPAN or some other channel that I find confusing, I have to laugh. First of all, I usually try to figure out what NASDAQ is and how it affects my every day comings-and-goings. (it does NOT). Secondly, I want to know why people talk about the price of Light Sweet Crude Oil . . . Is that used in a vinaigrette or House dressing? Why should I CARE? . . . DOES somebody? But Lastly, and perhaps the most important “Fictional Number” in EVERYONE’S life is the one found on this “Clock”. Why is it a CLOCK and not a “Ticker”? I might actually take a little more interest in it, if it was shown during some of the updated sports scores I try to catch up on between episodes of Sponge Bob” and “Ni Hao Kai Lan” , at my house. (For those that don’t know, Ni Hao Kai Lan is the EXACT same cartoon as Dora the Explorer , only they have introduced Japan into my youngest child’s need for cultural diversity-and my need for spending money on things that ANNOY me. For those unaware of Ni Hao OR Dora? Congratulations. . . I will not be talking “smack” on Sponge Bob)


All Seriousness Aside,
Whatever they choose to call it. . . A Clock . . . A Ticker. . . A Clicker (which is actually a remote control) it doesn’t matter. When the number gets over a BILLION, it might as well be the Number of People Served at McDonald’s. At least THAT’S a number I can “Wrap my Head Around”. (which is a phrase I hate, but sometimes find necessary to use) As it stands the “National Debt Clock” shows almost 12 GaZILLIONMAJILLION DoodlyDOOBUCKS. . . infinity squared. While the People served by McDonald’s signs read about . . . 100 billion CUSTOMERS. . . and counting. Wow! That’s a lot of frickin’ burgers! (See how that works?) And THAT number even makes me want to know MORE. . . I wonder if everybody got “Fries”? I wonder if everyone “Super-Sized” ? I wonder if you placed those burgers end-to-end, how many times they would go around the PLANET? . . . Have you ever wondered that? . . . Like when they say if they took out all of somebody’s blood vessels and spread them out, they’d go around the world “two and a half” times? . . . How do they KNOW that? They have to have like a “test subject”, don’t they? Okay, so is this how it goes down?. . .
A couple of “guys” go down to the nearest Medical School and say, “Hey Ernie. . .Can we have another ‘bum-body’ ?. . . Yeah, someone wants to test a ‘theory’ . . . again”. Then the Morgue Guy (Ernie) signs the body out (while finishing his tuna-fish sandwich and getting crumbs all over the paperwork) Then they take the guy’s veins out and stretch them out to say. . . Cleveland. . . “How much does it look like we got left?”, One will ask the other with the wheelbarrow. . .“I’ve still got about a half a barrow full!” replies the other (via text message or long distance phone call). . . Then they consult their “math professor friend” to calculate how much of the rest of the cadaver’s veins are needed to circle the globe “2 More times”. So they don’t have to go to all the trouble and expense of “booking a flight” or anything. . . Otherwise the “theory” would be a logistical nightmare. Or, at the very least, just really expensive, silly and . . . gross. But at least “these guys” had a theory. . . at least they are “keeping busy” AND they are recycling AND they are utilizing our nations sizable Homeless Population. Albeit, in a Later Stage of Existence and not when they could be used at their FULL POTENTIAL. . . “These Guys”, are more than likely. . . RICH.

THAT is what is at the “crux” of any True Entrepreneurial or Financial Wizard’s “game plan” today. STAY BUSY. (or time-travel) There are A LOT of people out there still raking in the dough, while the rest of the WORLD sits around with their hands held out asking if we can “spare some change”. When all we really wanted to do was get 32 cents more out of the car ashtray, so we could buy a newspaper at the gas station. (isolated incident). . . I wanted to purchase the paper to see if their were any good Garage Sales going on in my neighborhood on the weekend. It was right about “Back to School” time and anyone that knows ANYTHING about MONEY, knows that Back to School Garage Sales are when people drag out the “good stuff”. As far as those that ask me for change EVERY SINGLE TIME I cross a parking lot owned by an organization offering Goods or Services? . . . I’m no sure that EVERY Country in the WORLD has been represented. But it is safe to say, enough nationalities have offered to “Clean my Windshield” , that the Olympics could more than likely introduce “Squeegeeing” as a new event in the 2012 Olympic Games. (And then probably introduce the word “squeegeeing” to the Webster’s Dictionary People , shortly thereafter) Why not make the Squeegee an intrical part of our Nation’s Rise out of the Dollar-Menu Doldrums ? “Curling” is a sport. . . I think. . . although to me, it just looks like a couple Night Janitors got REALLY bored while waxing some hall floors. Why not “Squeegeeing”? Seems like a logical progression to me. I think that Oprah and Obama would have had a lot stronger case for the Chicago Olympic Bid in 2016, had they just utilized Chicago’s Homeless as a Natural Resource. There are TONS of Bums, Vagrants and Homeless in Chicago. Sure, Los Angeles and New York share the bulk of them, but Chicago. . . that’s the HEARTLAND of America . . . AND it’s so close to the Airport. . .talk about convenience! Then there is the whole Midwest Work Ethic thing. Those bums could show you what grit and determination are made of. . . Well GRIT anyway. . . and grime. . . and probably ringworm .
If we could utilize the “wealth” of homeless people in our Country and train them as Olympic Athletes , we’d eradicate so many of the problems stifling our country and plaguing its infrastructure. Think about ONE in particular. NO MORE DRUGS. . . EVERYONE knows about the “Olympic Committee’s STRICT Zero Tolerance Drug Policy” . All of the Olympic Villages and Stadiums that are built every two years, could be used to house the Homeless. Look how well it worked during “Katrina” . When the Homeless become like a 16 year old in Menudo member (Old and Out of Shape) , they could be used as trainers or BROADCASTERS. Isn’t that what we do with them anyway? What’s the worst that could happen? They’d fail . . . miserably? Well then they’d just go back to being homeless . . . and then what have we lost. . .really?
Instead, our current Olympians , as far as I can tell, are a bunch of rich and spoiled children of CEO’s and Beauty Pageant Moms . (or in some cases. . . both) What do THEY contribute to society? They certainly won’t offer to clean my windshield. In my well-founded and completely unresearched estimation . . . the CURRENT Olympians are a bunch of DEAD WEIGHT . What legacy do their parents entrust to them? They take over the family business? I mean, the CEO’s of every major corporation only seem to grossly mismanage funds, exploit their workers, get caught in scandals, lie to stockholders and make the “American Dream”, look like our Government does while spending “Our” money. Don’t even get me started on Beauty Pageant Moms . They seem to not only mismanage THEIR funds, but their lives and the lives of their little girls (and now BOYS?) You are SICK . . . get HELP. . .

Go ahead . . . Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses. I’ll give them a Squeegee and a lucrative “Athletic Shoe Endorsement Deal”. It will give them something to do instead of bothering my ass, when I’m trying to find some clothes for my kids that don’t have grass stains on them on a Saturday afternoon.

But this brings me to a second segment of our nation’s populace and of the “poor”, that I’d ALSO like to make this transition. It seems to me that there are a lot of “poor folk” in this Nation that “work” the system. “LAZY” people on Welfare and/or Disability that don’t QUALIFY for either, but spend an awful lot of time and energy (almost exactly the proportional amount needed to HAVE A JOB) lying and swindling so they don’t have to work. They also spend an awful lot of time spending TAXPAYER’S Money at the first of every month, like they won the LOTTERY. (in a way, I guess they have) I see them at our local Walmart, buying Big Screen TV’s, while I’m picking up some garbage bags and dog food. (we have a dog – WE don’t eat it) How do I know that they are on Welfare and/or Disability? THEY TALK ABOUT IT IN LINE. Yeah, they brazenly boast about it with one another as they load a 100 pound television into their cart. I listen to them as they joke about it while walking through the parking lot (not being bothered for spare change) and load it in the car parked in a “HANDICAPPED PARKING SPACE”. (True Story) I HEAR AND SEE IT AT WORK. Families of the kids that I drive to and from school claiming to have more children than they do, EACH OTHER’S kids, being married, being single, WHATEVER it takes. . . LYING to get PAID. There are Distant Family Members of “People I Know”, that claim to be “disabled” and have REAL-LIFE Doctors writing them prescriptions for Mind-Blowing amounts of Narcotics , knowing full-well that the only “disability” the person has is early-stage sclerosis of the liver , from “drinkin’ & druggin’ “ 24-7/365 OR possible Carpal Tunnel Syndrome from excessive “Bong-Lighting” . . . It’s not just BAKERSFIELD or my neighbors . . . it’s EVERYWHERE.

SO. . .fine. . . We aren’t going to get rid of the Homeless Epidemic in America. We aren’t going to reduce the number of those on Disability or Welfare. . . and FINE. . . There ARE people out there that are struggling AND working hard that STILL need assistance. . . I’m not talking about THEM. (So put your hate-mail away or send it to Rush Limbaugh or a Republican Congressperson of your choice) There are TWO kinds of people that “Don’t Worry about Money” in our country. Those that have plenty and those that have it “All Figured Out” or have been “milking the system” for years, perfectly content with living off of someone else’s dime. I have an idea! Why don’t we make it MANDATORY for everyone on Welfare or Disability to pass a DRUG TEST before EVER being issued a check? OR we can kill two birds and just make them take the Drug-Test with the rest of the Squeegee Team.

. . . Let’s make some OLYMPIANS! . . . Let’s put these people to work and make America Proud!
How do we Help the Homeless? . . . “It Takes an Olympic Village. Those that don’t have JOBS with NO DESIRE TO FIND ONE? They can run the gift shoppes and sell Olympic Souvenirs. I know they can “sell”. They have been getting people to buy their CRAP for YEARS. They are even starting to recruit their kids into becoming Second Generation Welfare Kids while the CEO’s of Fortune 500 Companies are getting sizable bonuses while running their companies into the ground and dressing their preschool-aged daughters up like 20 year old strippers to make up for the fact that they, themselves were hideously unattractive children. . .

. . . When I started this bit, I promised a piece of valuable information to start your very own Legacy of Financial SUCCESS. . . Truth is I have a FEW. . .

1) Stay Busy

2) Don’t Believe Fictional Numbers

3) Hit Garage Sales on Weekends in Late August

4) Follow the Olympic Squeegee Team in 2016

5) Don’t Spend YOUR MONEY, Spend Someone ELSE’s

. . . I might be WRONG, But I wouldn’t BET on it . . .

‘Til Then . . . Go Figg’r!

Peace Out – Later

D A N


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