To My Readers: I have been working on this “bit” for nearly a week. As I do from time to time around here, I thought I would talk about a “Hot Button” Issue. . . Racism. I also wanted to inject a little humor and introduce a subject that, to some of you, might be new: The Views of L. Ron Hubbard on different races. You can’t make Racism funny or, at least, I can’t. I hope you find this offering, at the least, quasi-informative and somewhat amusing. I hope you “Get it”. . .
I Have a Theory. . .
I think that White People are Stereotyped and Typecast in HOLLYWOOD, the same way that people of other races are. They are typically grouped into One of the Following:
FOUR KINDS of White People :
  1. Racist: Meaning, they HATE everyone except white people, but even then, you’re pushing it
  2. Wannabe-a-Different-Race(ist): Those that assume another ethnicity’s culture, fashion, lifestyle, GROOMING HABITS and language, as their own
  3. No Clue What Race(ist) Is: A band of folks that go through life color-blind, not seeing the differences because they think we are all equal in the eyes of God. (I also call this group:THE LIARS – Their true “colors” are inevitably revealed.) and finally
  4. Rednecks: Though often confused with Racist, they are a little more dangerous, because they are both STUPID and usually pretty well ARMED
So where does that leave the other races? Those actors and actresses of different ethnicities that are to be cast and written into various roles for “Entertainment Purposes” ? That is where my “Theory” comes into play. I understand that SCIENTOLOGY is pretty big inHOLLYWOOD. I also know that its Founder, L. Ron Hubbard was a bit of a “Nut Job” , who dabbled in Science Fiction and other forms of FANTASY . Hypothetically speaking, what if “The Hubster”, had actually been on to something? For instance, what if TIME TRAVELwere possible? Mr. Hubbard actually DID refer to it in his book TO THE STARS(Originally published in 1954 as “Return to Tomorrow”. Coincidentally, this is the exact year the “Church of Scientology” was introduced in Los Angeles, CA) . . . I’ve also, come across a few of his “comments” on people of different races. Let’s just say L. Ron Hubbard was white too. But he wasn’t boring. At least his “philosophies” weren’t. What if he had traveled back in time to meet with the Pioneers of the Filmmaking Industry, just to make sure they were “on the same page”? It may seem far-fetched, but there are A LOT of “STARS”following this guy’s teachings. What if he’d known all along . . . what was to come?. . .

. . What if all of the stereotypes that we see on Film and Television had been foreseen and compiled into one big:
HOLLYWOOD’S Racial Stereotype Manifesto . . . well, Someone’s been following a list. . .

  • Indian (Native American) people – The people that are indigenous to the North American land we (the white man) now inhabit are a lazy lot. They are savage and wild creatures. They are not to be trusted, as they will surely rape our women and sully our Strong andRighteous ways with their love of alcohol and worship of Gods of the Earth andNature. We declare that from this point forward, we will only trust them with small parcels of land and allow them to own cigarette shoppes and gambling recreational facilities. Do not let their beggar ways fool you. We will provide them with ample compensation and a better way of life for the land we have decided to improve upon for“The Greater Good”. They will be fine. . . Especially in the states that none of “Us” choose to reside in.
  • Indian (Like from India) people – Although it is a few years off, the gasoline-powered combustion engine will have a HUGE influence on the way we live our lives in these United States. Be forewarned that the people of India will find a way to monopolize the fuel retail market (which will surely follow) The dangerous people will undoubtedly decide to snatch up every available Mini-Mart (Trading post) for generations to come. They will also not like us very much. If and when we decide to begrudgingly pay them for watered-down fuel and overpriced Beef Jerky (see Native American above) we will do so knowing that they “have us where they want us”. Beware. They will also try to slip“Curry” into everything that they prepare, if they invite you over to their house for a meal. Do NOT count on the “invite”.
  • Middle Eastern people – Also a very “Fuel-oriented” people. Though, they seem to be unaware that the land on which they live, will be of great importance in the future for“Fuel Retrieval” and a “Father/Son Game of Top That. They seem to instead view this land as somehow “Holy” to them. This is merely a facade. They like to wear strange Turbans on their heads, which most-assuredly is just the beginning of what it is they are trying to “hide” from the Western World. They also HATE women. So unlike the Native Americans (see above) they will have no interest in OUR women. Be cautious when in your dealings with “this sort”. They claim a God that, while similar to ours in “Theory”, has decided to tell them to kill ALL OF US. They are not to be trusted to do more than drive us to different locations in something called a “Taxi Cab” . But be forewarned: They will tell you that they do not know “English” so that they may drive 12 miles out of the way to gouge you for a larger fare. (they will run something called a ‘meter’ twice as fast than in any other of these “cab-type” vehicles)
  • Asian people – They are relentlessly “Wicked Smart” . They will undoubtedly “choose”to live under Communist Rule. This is the first indication that they are not to be trusted. They are also a “small” people. This, as we all know, means they are “shifty” and“good hiders”. In fact, be wary that they help to “hide” Evil People from us in their part of the world as some sort of Retribution for ways that they feel that we have “wronged”them. Be careful when deciding to go to war with these people. Because of their“Brilliance” they will more than likely try to defeat us with a complicated Math Problem. Though we currently have our best Mathematicians grooming students to beat their best in various “Mathletic Competitions” , we fear that we are doomed. The best that we can hope to accomplish is to “freeze them out” of any sort of trade relations and force them to have underage “Sweatshops” and “Child Prostitution rings” to meet the needs of our Nation’s Greedy and Perverse Middle-Aged “Consumers” . Also be on the lookout for Lead-based paint.
  • Japanese people – Also brilliant and elusive, these are definitely the “Ones to Watch” in our Nation’s future. They are a technically (oh yes, we will have something called technology) savvy group of “little” people. They will try to impress us with newer andcheaper products than those we will soon be manufacturing in our country. DO NOT FALL FOR IT. They are merely “getting even” for something we will surely do as a retaliatory act for something they will undoubtedly do to us , that in a matter of 60 years of the occurrence of both, will be little more than a “day-glow brick” of a memory. Because they are also a physically “smallish” group of men and women, they also appear rather docile. Again, do NOT be fooled. Their women are in charge of the country, much like ours. While introducing our nation to what we consider newer and cheaper (notice we don’t say Better) products, they will also be shrinking them in size. We have concluded that this will be to ensure that their race has a “leg-up” on us, because everything will be miniaturized so that it is “their size”. It will also almost guaranteethat we will misplace the product and have to purchase another one from them. They will ALL also be very good at KARATE .
  • Italian people – These, as we are all already aware, are band of thugs and hooligans. They are ALL part of the Mob . Anyone with a name ending in -anno, -ani, -ello, -elli, -asso, etc. should NOT be trusted. We ask that the only future dealings with this ethnicity involveFood and Clothing. We have it under good authority that Spaghetti will remain an affordable meal and that they will more than likely allow us to claim Pizza as an American invention. They are also a dim-witted group of individuals and as such, are difficult to understand when conversing. When approached by one in the “wild” it is recommended, for your own protection, to make NO SUDDEN HAND GESTURES . They have a “secret” hand language, all their own, that is most definitely linked to their attempts at World Domination. You may find it useful to say, “Bada Bing” , and try to get“around” them. This may prove difficult, as they tend to travel in herds. Whatever you do, say NOTHING to them about Mothers. Theirs, yours or anyone’s.
  • Black people – Black People have us “over a barrel” . They have “caught on” to what it was that we did to them, by transporting them here from their “homeland” to “run our errands” and help to “cultivate our land”. Because they are ALL physically fit, they need to be watched “closely”. They are ALL faster than us. They can evade us with this elusive speed and We will find ourselves trying to “chase them down” quite often. A LOT of time will be spent trying to track them down , even when they proclaim they are not trying to overthrow us. They will start small in their demands for “equal rights” . But it will escalade into something that will undoubtedly change our nation forever. Because ALLBlack People are capable of singing and dancing (quite well), they will also take on a significant part of what we will soon call “Popular Culture”. In fact, there will be groups of Whites (men AND women) that will attempt to take on their racial traits and will cause widespread confusion. But there are Three Known Weaknesses for theBLACK MAN. He likes Malt Liquor, Marijuana and White Women. Eventually, it has even been foreseen that a Black Man will become President of the United States. However, this will play directly into our future “plans”.
  • Mexican people – First of all, we need to address the fact, that though a large portion of these people will inhabit a large portion of “Our Country” , we will still consider themsecond-class citizens. They will more than likely decide it is best to take all of the jobs that we deem “unworthy” of a True American . They will be relegated to working in fields, picking our citrus fruit and the grapes for the wine we hope will keep Native Americans and Black People sufficiently intoxicated, so that they will be too drunk to cause more than an occasional “skirmish”. Unfortunately, as did the (Native American), they will soon decide that they should be called by a different name. . . Latino . Though, they are still mostly of Mexican descent, they will demand that we address them by this new moniker. We suggest that in the new century, we “appear” to bow to their demands. Though we will more than likely keep all of the “Good Jobs” in these United States, there is a fear among some of us that something called “Outsourcing” , will take hold and the jobs that “some” of us still want to do, will take root in their country. This could be bad for those of us that still want to make less than what we are worth. Beware ofMontezuma’s Revenge and something known as “Taco Tuesday”.
  • Jewish people – Probably the “craftiest” of the bunch. The Jewish person is VERY good with MONEY and like the Italian, has their own “Hand Gesture Language”. They also have a way of monopolizing a conversation and could quite easily talk you out of your entire life’s savings on any given afternoon. Because of a “misunderstanding” they will be in charge of the World’s Banks and the majority of what will be known as the“Entertainment Industry”. They will not only comprise the bulk of what we view on something called a Television or in a place called a Moving Picture Theatre, but they will manage the careers of OTHER Jewish People. These people, if not properly monitored, will control our thoughts, words and deeds. They will be unassuming and often disarming as they manage to talk anyone into almost anything when it comes to their finances or entertainment needs. They also will continue to celebrate bothChristmas AND Hanukkah , making it difficult for the rest of us to “spot them”.
  • White people – You may ask yourselves why we are warning you about yourselves. We are sorry to say that there are unfortunately a LARGE portion of our descendants that have caused us some concern. Albeit, we are obviously the “first choice” in race, we find that a large number of “us” have gone far beyond “interaction” with those of other“races”. In some instances entire “families” of White and Other Race Mixtures have been seen carousing and actually living somewhat productive and “normal” lives. Thiscannot be tolerated and we have sent one of our best men to retrieve more data. They are scheduled to arrive back here shortly with an update. We will begin with the remainder of the list upon data retrieval. . .
. . . And that’s it. . . the bottom of the page is either missing or is continued on another page that I was unable to find. However, I WAS able to find this. . . it is the definition of RACISM. . .

(source Merriam Webster Online Dictionary)

Pronunciation: \ˈrā-ˌsi-zəm alsoˌshi-\
Function: noun
Date: 1933

1 : a belief that race is the primary determinant of human traits and capacities and that racial differences produce an inherent superiority of a particular race
2 : racial prejudice or discrimination

. . . This Just In. . . I FOUND the rest of the “manuscript”. Go ahead. . . take a look. . .
or have a listen:

As far as the Studio Heads and Entertainment Moguls making a buck or two, by casting all of “US” (EVERY RACE) in the same stereotyped roles for what seems to have been going on for an eternity? I’ve got a few words about RACISM. . . “KNOCK IT OFF!” Writers? Let’s try to be “Creative” in what we’re submitting, shall we? Producers and Directors? Stop drudging up the same convoluted and retread stories of yesteryear. Studios and Studio Executives? . . . Can I have a JOB? (probably not after THIS) I know for a FACT that there are a lot of young (and not so young) writers out there chomping at the bit, that have a “Treasure of New And Exciting Ideas” to share with the world, without depending on the same old cliche “Racially-Enhanced” sight gags or “Ethnically-Charged” undertones. I understand that we are a collection of a lot of different types of people in this Great Nation of ours. I know that sometimes you have to cater to your demographic. I also understand that we are “better than that”. . . I hope we are. . . Or maybe by making that statement, I am placing too much faith on an industry that follows the “Stars”, instead of ‘making some’ out of those of us a little more “grounded”.

If I were a pulp-fiction Writer-turned-Cult Founder of any sort or had chosen a “Way of Thinking” that would have swindled people out of their money, time and Souls, garnering World-Wide attention and Legions of “followers”, I would have at LEAST “dressed it up” a little . . . I would have chosen Latin. . . HEY maybe I should try it. . .

Qui sumo contemno, semino odi um. Tamen nemo est excellens ut Deus. Vos mos reperio posterus in pectus pectoris of vestri liberi.

Those who choose hate, breed hatred. But no one is Superior to God. You will find the future in the hearts of your children.

Quam ut exsisto vultus down in alius humanitas in membrana , pervenio opulentia quod adepto absentis per is (look it up)

‘Til Then. . . Go Figg’r!

Peace Out – Later

P.S. I realize that I did not get the list of “Racial Stereotypes” above anywhere in the book“Dianetics”. It is, in fact, a satirical representation of a MUCH larger body of work produced by both L. Ron Hubbard and the Motion Picture Industry. Any offense taken by those reading this opinion was unintentional. I am merely stating what I see as a pandemic breaking out as a result of a few “Careless” individuals and a society that has continued to fuel the problem. I also am not inferring that all those that “practice” SCIENTOLOGY or that EVERYONE in Hollywood is a Racist. There are, in fact, a LARGE number in “Entertainment” that think Scientologists are merely harmless “head cases”. There are also quite a few (Celebrities) that are not Racist. If you were among those that were offended or feel I used this as an opportunity to introduce even newer stereotypes, than those provided by Mr. Hubbard or the Film Industry?. . . Have You Watched TV Lately? . . . thank you -danof89


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