How To Childproof Your Home in 30 Minutes or Less. . .


. . . Don’t Have Any!. . . Let’s see, that took about 3 seconds. Now, what are you gonna’ do for the other 29 minutes? Hurry Up, time’s a wastin’! . . .40, 39, 38 . If I were you (thank God, I’m not), I’d start by planning something really fun. Like starting a daycare or coaching a “Pee-Wee” athletic team. . . Oh, you don’t want to deal with children? Neither do I. So then maybe you would enjoy a more “grown up” activity. For instance, I have been planning a way for my life not to “suck”, and as it stands, this is more time-consuming than one might think. (Well it is in mine. There’s the movers. The caterers and it’s hard to find good valet) But, I’m thinking the plan will be multi-dimensional, multi-tiered, multi-layered, multi-ethnic but most of all. . .complex. As I’m sure that anything that could enhance my future in any way is worth the considerable effort involved. I originally thought I might be able to discover something that required little, to NO effort , but have found that those things are usually scooped up by CELEBRITIES or POLITICIANS. If you think that I’m lying or making a “false claim”, then why do so many actors become politicians? Don’t tell me it’s because they want to “give back” to the community. That’s the same flimsy excuse CELEBRITIES, that couldn’t possibly find any one to Vote for them, use when they get a nice “photo op” at the homeless shelter or are seen on TV handing a “big ass” check over to a charity. It’s all about the attention (and possibly trying to “buy” a way in to the pearly gates). Oh sure, they’ll say, “I wanted to lend my name to a “worthwhile cause” or they might plunk down a sizable chunk of (tax-deductible) change, but who are they doing it for. . . really? It’s like, “Hey! Look at me! I’ve still got some “juice” up in this bee-otch!” or “I’m not really a washed up Action Star – – I’m Dah Guvenaa of Caleefownya AND I mareed a Shrivaa/Ken-aa-dee“. I didn’t vote for you chucklehead! And you’re not really helping me out in the whole “life not sucking” department. I’m sure there are a lot of you out there saying,”It can’t be THAT bad. Why is he always complaining?” and “I think I might just find something a little more uplifting to read”. My response? (you know you want it)YES, in fact it is”. “Because this is STILL My Bit”. and “Be my guest. The backspace key is in the upper left hand corner. Don’t get a pop-up’ on your way out”.

I know! Better yet, I could talk about how much “Your Life” sucks. That be good?
I had a lady, who will remain nameless, unless some of you decide to investigate my “Twitter History” that I recently offended (Last night, after 8PM) I’m not sure how I did that. I consider myself fairly opinionated, but only because my opinion is generally the “correct one”. So I was taken aback when this “person” took issue with my stand on “Animal Rights” . She introduced a video (which I will not share here, but to which you are welcome to view – should any of you decide to investigate my “Twitter History” That was 9/9/09 After 8PM Pacific) She is apparently a vegetarian. (okay) Wanted people to look at a video (I did) I assume, wanted me (and several others) to get on board with “not killing animals for food” can’t speak for others, but for me? (not gonna’ happen)
I UNDERSTAND why people choose to be vegetarian or vegan. I admire their conviction and principals. (but won’t list them all, because this isn’t her site-already wasting valuable “fun planning” time). I also agree with PETA on some issues. When they say there are alternatives to fur and leather, for instance. I do not condone the mistreatment of domesticated animal or wild animals in anyway. I’ve seen the zoo and circus videos. I’ve seen stuff done to cats overseas that would make you shudder in horror. I stopped hunting and fishing at an early age, because I found no “Joy in the Kill”. If I wanted to regress, I’d listen to “Cat Scratch Fever”. Ted Nugent IS an Extremist . But I think classifying an animal in the same category as a human being is preposterous. I saw my father die. I’ve been there when loved ones have died. I’ve been there when I had my childhood pet “put down” because he was dying, to ease his suffering. But I’ve also seen “slaughterhouse videos” and endless animal rights videos. Yes, it’s disgusting. Yes, it’s awful and YES they’re ANIMALS. . . It’s NOT the SAME THING. I believe an animal has a spirit. I believe that spirit can move on to an afterlife. I won’t get into biblical teachings, because I’d lose my other half of the readers. But a PERSON has a SOUL.
But, some might say,”You can’t have it BOTH WAYS.” Sure, I can!. . . and I sleep just fine at night, as long as I didn’t put too many onions on my “burger” . (ouch) It was even said that I “choose to be misinformed in an ‘Age of Information’“. Maybe, I just choose to believe differently. But I’m typically not “smug” about it. I don’t like to get caught up in “extreme ideology” , because that leads to contempt of character. I told this lovely lady last night, the following; Do with it what you will. “Those that can’t SEE it ALL, Can’t See AT ALL” And so, because I DO have kids, I need to childproof my home. So, I guess my children will be “informed” from this “Fountain of Misinformation” . But, they are encouraged to seek their own truths. When I say it’s okay (that’s a joke) . . . Well, Look at the time. I think I dipped well into both your “fun-planning” time. . . and mine. That’s okay (for me) – I’ve got time. You on the other hand? I’d be making with the festivities post haste because this has been 10 minutes, or so, you can never get back. . .
‘Til Then. . . Go Figg’r!
Peace Out-Later
D A N
P.S. Aloha

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