Ain’t Nothin’ Comes Between Me and My 80’s. . .Especially the 90’s!

My 80’s! That’s Right, I said it! I understand that when I speak about the 80’s like they were some sort of “Enraptured” Event, it may tarnish the reputation I’ve worked so long to nurture and foster with those of you that assumed, I was actually “semi-sane”. But for the rest of you, that are just now joining the “ride”, allow me to let you in on what you’ve been missing. A brief overview of The Real Goings On here at Go Figg’r! For starters, I am probably both clinically insane and depressed. If you need more info than that, You will have to START AT THE BEGINNING. It’s only like 3 Months of entries. You could easily knock ’em out in the same time it usually takes you to pluck your nasal hair or ask a relative for money. (I’ve timed them both)

I am currently talking about why I feel that the 80’s were the end-all-to-be-all of decades and in my estimation, the only reason this world didn’t drive off into the ditch 20 years ago. Granted, we would have still needed to find a way to pass the time for ten years in its absence, but we didn’t. So we were given the “gift” of a “Decade Without Limits”. A Lot was packed into that 10 years. Luckily, I remember most of it. The 90’s seems to be the decade I’m a little “fuzzy” on. And Luckier still, I am NOT going to make you relive every little thing I think was special about the 80’s. There are whole websites and VH1 weekend marathons devoted to that sort of crap.
But. . . I promised a sequel to my previous entry. And if we’ve learned anything from my previous discussions, Sequels tend to be weaker than the original, but necessary in bringing the story full circle. Or in my case, something to do on a Labor Day Monday, because it’s so HOT outside, my kids don’t want to go out and play unless I pay them. Usually, they are begging to be released from captivity, and we are more than happy to oblige, during daylight hours. During the Night, our “Neighborhood” resembles something out of Billy Idol’s “Dancing with Myself” Video. (I think the guy about ready to kill his wife with the sledgehammer, lives next door.) So I’ve decided instead, to point out a few things about the 80’s, that I found memorable or somewhat enjoyable. As a counter, I will provide something that we are trying to substitute for it today — and in turn, mocking its glorious memory, in a thinly-veiled and pathetic attempt to relive a decade lost forever by trying to give our children a taste of what it was like to grow up in a World that Doesn’t Suck THIS Bad. Between the two, I will offer my “take” on what I consider the transitionalbastard cousin” to both, that reared it’s head in the 90’s. I know my list is skipping a lot of possibilities. . . That’s it, I know they’re missing. . . What? I’ve got a quasi-life ya’ know! Everybody get how this is gonna’ go down? You’ll catch on. . . enjoy!

Madonna (oh, my)Britney Spears (Oh, My!)Lady Gaga (Oh, no)
Metallica (hell yeah!)Pearl Jam (okay, I’m getting older)Cold Play (not THAT old)
On My TV:
Hospital Shows: St. Elsewhere (Mandell with hair)ER (Clooney rocks)Grey’s Anatomy(What the Heck is this McCRAP?)
Token Black Comedies: The Cosby Show (of course) – Rock (still keepin’ it real,but can’t find a pic to save my life. . . shame, good show)Everybody Hates Chris (Okay the 2000’s have had a good one, NOW, where’d everyone else go. . . and now THIS is over. Quick! somebody call the WB or the CW!)
Cop Shows: Hill St. Blues (classic)NYPD Blue (“ass?ick!” ) Law & Order (caustic)
Movies I paid Cash Money to See: (excluding chick flicks)
Up and Comer Spotlights: The Outsiders (1983)Young Guns 2 (Young Guns 1 would’ve been on the list but, it was ’88)Twilight (2008-I never really saw this, but I wanted chicks to read the blog)
Buddy Comedies: Ghostbusters (1984)Men at Work (1990)Clerks (2000) You’ll notice the latter two movies came out at the beginning of their respective decades. Anything trying to inch its way back towards the 80’s was alright with me.
Horror: The Shining (1980)Scream (1996)SAW (1-19) (2004 – Whenever People Get Fed Up With The Crappy Concept)
Oscar Worthy (?) and my opinion of if they should’ve been: Gandhi (1982 -no, Ben Kingsley is a schmuck)The Silence of the Lambs (1991 -yes,are you kidding me? Jodie Foster is HOT)Slumdog Millionaire(2008 -yes,Because I have a following in Mumbai, and if “this” doesn’t work out, there’s always Bollywood)
actors with “issues”: Jack Nicholson (loved golf clubs)Christian Slater (loved drugs)Christian Bale(loves himself)
Comedians (I once thought funny): Robin Williams (take care of the ticker, that was a lot of blow)Jim Carrey (just stopped caring, huh?)Jack Black (I take it back, you were never funny)
Screwed up Actresses: Drew Barrymore (turned it around like a champ. You GO Girl!)Winona Ryder(don’t care)Lindsay Lohan (what can you say, I mean really?)
Athletes: Michael Jordan – Michael Jordan – Nobody
Fashions: (I’ve got no idea, because I like sweatpants)
Women’s Pants: Pin-rolled or “pegged” jeans – ripped jeans – skinny jeans
Mens Hair: The Mullet – The “Caesar” cut- I’m not sure, I’m rockin’ a mullet again
Presidents (Wow): Ronald ReaganGeorge W. BushBarack Obama
(I’m not really sure what to make of this “progression”, but it makes for a lot of comedy!)
So there you have it folks! As far as I can see, the last 20 years have provided me with little hope for a “brighter” tomorrow. I understand that with age, comes responsibility, but I’m not going to take responsibility for the direction that this world has taken. I’ll just worry about my wife and kids and be over here, minding my own. The rest of you guys are still welcome to come along on this “Journey”. I’m sure “Someone” is bound to perk up and realize my value to ENTERTAINMENT, CELEBRITY and all things that don’t suck as much as what we all have to face on a daily basis. . . nowadays.
‘Til Then. . . Go Figg’r!
Peace Out-Later
Just a note: No, Estevez’s or Sheen’s paid for this bit. Thank you


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