I’ll Never Run Out of Things to Say. . .Only People to Listen


So I’ve lost some readers as a result of not having written anything in a week. My bad. I forgot that this was really all about YOU. I don’t mean to verbally spank those that have moved on to the next flavor of the week, but I don’t do Fickle. Wishy washy doesn’t washy with me and if you can’t keep it together until I get a free sec to “think”, then maybe you should move on to “greener pastures”. It may be more lush in the yard next door, but that’s because it’s full of dog crap. To be honest, there has been a Huge GOOSE EGG in the ol’ donation basket. Sometimes the service needs to go on without Sunday School. The collection plate was sent off to be polished in order that the congregation might have the chance to think about their sins and repent. I’ve had a new sermon in my pocket (in fact, a few of them) for days. But, I needed to go out amongst you sinners with my message of hope, healing and a brighter tomorrow. Translation: Because everyone is hoarding their funds like Bruce Jenner hoards large-assed Greek women, I had to go back to “work”.

Often times, by the end of the day I can barely keep my kids’ names straight (which, generally doesn’t matter, because we rarely speak) So how can I be expected to craft a literary work that YOU expect, without putting out drivel? (note: I didn’t say that you deserve, I am apparently providing you with limitless free entertainment) Well it’s free anyway. Believe me, my wife reminds me of that DAILY. But I wouldn’t want to read a hodgepodge of gobbledygook. So I guess it really is about ME after all. Great! I was getting worried.
I was recently talking to a friend. He said that anybody can be funny once, maybe even twice. Even though I disagree wholeheartedly with that assessment (to me Carrot Top and Gallager were never funny), the thing is I’m funny all the time! He said he thinks “the CHOSEN ONE” out there that I’m waiting for to “discover” me is waiting to see if I “run out of gas”. I’ll NEVER run out of things to say. . . Maybe just people that will LISTEN. I’ve just been waiting for that “someone” to take notice. If “someone” doesn’t pretty soon, I’m going to track “someone” down and kick “someone’s” ass.
For those of you who I lost by offering up my look at God and Religion (notice, I said nothing about spirituality) You suck! I wasn’t trying to say that my way of thinking was “right”. I just meant that MOST peoples’ are wrong. I know that some of you think I haphazardly slap some random crap together and stamp it with a Semi-humorous and thought-provoking title and call it a day. (On a good day, that’s just about right) But more often than not, it is a carefully-worded, meticulously-crafted, finely-tuned and put-together-with-love production, which literally takes me HOUR (not a typo) to put together. All in the hopes that I can share a little bit of what it “is” that I’ve “got” in life. (Because I’m sure as hell not going out like this alone. I’m taking some of you with me!)
Truth of the matter is . . . I’ve been tired. I’ve been unable to conjugate verbs or put together a single cohesive thought, for the last few days. So I’ve been peddling my “brand” of humor on TWITTER. In fact, I only have to come up with thoughts there that consist of no more than 140 characters at a time (including spaces) ! I just celebrated my 100th follower. For me. . . a milestone. (My latest is Lady GaGa, but by the time I finish this, she will probably realize she’s made a horrible mistake or take her Twitterberry back from her “roadie”) Last night, I sat and thought what the implications were of wielding that much power. So I put the word out. Any of my followers, that were interested, needed to be fond of jogging suits, Nike running shoes and REALLY dig lime jello shots. So far. . . no takers. I think they may be getting the wrong idea. I’m really into Civil War reenactments and you’ve got to know how to party with that crew!
For those of you that don’t know what TWITTER is or how it works. . . well you need to “stay in” more often. What? Do you guys have LIVES or something? I can answer that. . . No, because you’re reading THIS. It’s basically like if “Texting or Instant Messaging” met “A Chain Letter on Crack“.(I love this clip) It is a very addicting pastime that can ruin relationships, cause difficulty at work and quite possibly unravel the moral fabric of society (Even though, I’m pretty sure that happened in the 80’s) In other words in terms of sheer addiction, I should probably start looking for a sponsor and hit a few more meetings.
Looking back and reading this post, I’d have to say I’m not sure it qualifies as a legitimate entry. It seems to be riddled with excuses and is fairly steeped in “heavy-laden” qualms. So in essence, maybe I should count this one, back after a week off, as a “Freebie”. . . Again, I’m back to pleasing YOU. If codependency were a drug, I’d need more meetings. I’m even critiquing the blog “FOR YOU”, before it’s finished. . . . I’m just afraid you’d get it all wrong.
That reminds me, I just found out that “Neurosis” is no longer a medically recognized term. Who decided that? I want to know? Immediately! I want to know who’s responsible and will not REST until I get my word BACK!
May Not write tomorrow. Go Figg’r! Actually it’s my daughter’s birthday. She’ll be 5. We went shopping for her birthday yesterday. I told my wife if I could have picked, it would be a day after payday instead. She didn’t laugh either. I never know what to get a child, especially a girl. I hope she likes potatoes. . .
‘Til Then . . . Go Figg’r!
Peace Out-Later
D A N
Top Blogs Humor Go Figgr at Blogged

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