OMG!. . . Exactly! Now Shut Up, I’m Praying Here!


I think I mentioned early on in my endeavors to entertain and enlighten, that one of the things I would NOT be discussing in my blog is religion. . . I lied. What? You can’t hold me to everything I say! If there’s one thing I learned from a very young age it’s that if you allow them to, people will let you down. That’s exactly why the only people that I’ve ever allowed to “let me down” in my life are “carnies”. I’m not a real big fan of heights. The “carnies” are a group of people in this world that probably need to find a religion in the worst possible way and probably as soon as possible. I’m thinking right after they’re done shooting heroine and smoking crack behind the “Tilt-a-Whirl”, I might start my own church. In the wake of the recent deaths of some CELEBRITIES, I started to assess what I think is a problem facing a lot of us today. I think it probably became most evident to me when I was TOUR BUS GUIDE TO THE STARS! over the summer. It’s nothing new. CELEBRITIES biting off a little more than they can chew, getting caught up in addiction and depression and “cashing it in” too soon. But when I was giving the “tours” in Hollywood, I started finding it a little depressing when I would tell the folks from around the world. “There’s where River Phoenix died, John Belushi had his last meal of lentil soup there, Marilyn Monroe decided to cause Conspiracy Theorists to “sport a chubby”, when she bought the farm by overdosing in that home, Anna Nicole Smith, Michael Jackson, yada, yada, blah blah”. We’re talking a long list. There is No reason for THAT MUCH concentrated stupidity. Didn’t they ever have a normal “hobby”?

It’s not just the DEATHS that have occurred to HOLLYWOOD that have me shaking my head. It seems to be the utter lack of BELIEF. . . in ANYTHING. I think that the SCIENTOLOGISTS hanging around in all their creepy glory should not be included. When I say BELIEF, I’m referring to something that doesn’t refer to “XANADU” or “XENU” or “XAVIER University” as the SUPREME BEING. I don’t want to go to a church that makes you recite all of Mork and Mindy’s final season verbatim, perform a secret handshake after you cleanse your “Thetan” (which I think can be done with a high colonic – and then, do you really want to be shaking anyone’s hand?) Or be a part of a “religious service” including tractor beams or turning my spouse into a “Stepford Wife” (Hey Tom! How’s that whole divorce thing playing out? Do the ELDERS think she is unworthy of your “exteriorization”? That sounds like something Sherwin Williams should be able to help you out with.) As far as the “Stepford” thing, it’s really more a matter of the whole thing “wearing off”. But to be honest, I’m not even on the Scientology Radar (yes they have one) until I become a CELEBRITY (early next year). I currently don’t have the necessary “fundage” to climb aboard the Mother Ship. I wonder if Tom thought filming “War of The Worlds” was a spiritual journey? After seeing it, I can tell you I had some sort of “epiphany” for sure. Never watch a Tom Cruise movie again and tell Spielberg to give me a call next time he’s that hard up for material. (I’ve tried . . . I don’t think he can swing his phone bill.
Operator says the number’s disconnected.)
All Seriousness Aside,
RELIGION: I believe in it. It is an interesting concept and there seem to be a lot of them to choose from. Some are tailor-made to suit your mood at a particular stage in your life. Some of them seem to fit conveniently with your given lifestyle choices. In both instances, I view these as WRONG for you. There are still a lot of people out there that decide which religion is the right one for them, by how little it will interfere with their every day practices. Whether it be at work, at play or depending on if it occurs between Tuesday through Friday or Saturday night when the bars close. These folks: the “If it feels good-do itcrew, may have some of the best intentions in the world. I don’t know. I tend to hang out with the “If it feels good-don’t even think about itcrew. We may be viewed as a lot more “boring”, but are less likely to be incarcerated, die of a drug overdose or be caught with children we hide for years in tents in our back yards, claiming they are our daughters so that we can fulfill a perverse need for control of someone because we want Satan to give us first dibs on “Hitler, Dahmer, Mengele or Manson (Charles or Marilyn) as our roommates with a room overlooking “Eternal Hellfire Bay”.
I’m one of “those” that choose to believe that there is a Heaven and a Hell. But I’m also one of “those” that would like to think God is a forgiving one, who gives us a little “wiggle room”. I think we are allowed to make mistakes and often do, because of the fact that we were given FREE WILL. However, I think there are a lot of folks out there that decide to push his buttons and “fudge it” a little, testing that limit beyond the pale. My bottom line is that I think God is forgiving and merciful, but if you think you’re going to go through life here doing whatever you want with no repercussions, you may be in for a rude awakening when the big guy looks at you and says, “Yeah. . . I think we’re going to have to pass on this one. . . Next?”
But how does this pertain to CELEBRITIES? How does this pertain to YOU? What the hell do I know? That’s the beauty of my belief system. I don’t make that call. The thing I see going on in this world isn’t just with CELEBRITIES; it’s going on everywhere and everyday with everyone. It’s just that when I see STARS succumbing to their “demons”, I see it playing out on a grander, more visible scale. I’m not saying I think any of these guys are going to HELL. Again, that’s not my call. But, I think in most cases there wasn’t a good coping mechanism in place. I HAVE NO CLUE, why these guys and gals, with apparently so much to live for, decided that drugs were the best thing to believe in. Actually, I DO. Drugs or whatever feeds an addiction is ALWAYS THERE. It is a comfort. It is a steadfast ally in a world you can’t make any sense out of.
Sad, really. A lot of people give so much power to something because it’s the “Quick Fix” to whatever it is that is bothering them. Would have been a lot easier, in my estimation to put your faith in something that “gives life” instead of “snuffing it out“.
GOD: I don’t care what people decide is there God. As a Christian (okay, I said it), I think that’s actually probably viewed as a “secular” point of view. Let me explain. I think we’re all on this earth for the same reason. That is to get beyond “This World” to begin our lives in the “Real World”, after this one (in my mind? heaven – Not Planet XANADU) There are so many Religions out there and so many people killing one another for what they “Believe” to be their GOD. If ANY of them stopped for ONE SECOND and thought about what they were doing or what THEIR GOD would REALLY want, it wouldn’t be happening. But it is, and it has as long as we’ve had a recorded history. Whichever history it is you choose to adopt as the truth. That’s another thing. Why do we have so many different versions of historical events? My best guess is because we’re human. Again that FREE WILL can also easily lead to “a different point of view”. A Lot like the ones that most of you have versus what I’m sharing with you . . . right now.
No matter what you decide to believe in, I think it’s important to BELIEVE. There are those sorry saps that say they don’t believe in a HEREAFTER or they don’t accept a GOD. Well, I can only say, “It Sucks to Be You!” What an empty existence. Sure, they may live their lives NOW thinking everything is groovy. They might be RICHER than RICH, have a lot of friends and outwardly, have it “All Figured Out”. But I think it would be a really empty way to go about things in life. Not thinking that there is anything after “this”? I may be poor, but I can tell you that when the “chips are down” or I feel like ‘this’ is a little bit more than I want to be dealing with in life right now; it becomes a lot more “tolerable” when I realize “THIS” is temporary.
I DON’T Know it ALL. But I think I know enough to realize those that say the folks in Africa and those in 3rd world countries that never heard of Jesus or had a chance to talk to a Missionary are “going to hell”, are WRONG. I think Muslims believe in THE EXACT SAME GOD that I do. I think that the Native Americans that believed in a God for every natural occurrence that happens never sat through a Catholic Mass, might just be alright (and VERY lucky). Muslims, Buddhists , Hindus and even JEWS are going to be alright, as far as I’m concerned(then again, Yeah…not my call, but this IS my blog). Would I like everyone to believe the same way that I DO? It WOULD make things a lot less complicated, but we wouldn’t have an opportunity to get that “different point of view”. As long as people continue killing each other in an obvious display of “man’s” stupidity and hypocrisy, we’re NEVER going to be on the same page.
People will continue to die alone in their apartments with a Crack Pipe. Icons will still die alone in bed, while their handlers try desperately to hide evidence before attempting to revive them. Rising stars will still slump over in a lifeless heap alone in the gutter, amidst a “crowd of friends“. People that make us all “laugh” will go back to their hotel room and die alone, choking on their own vomit . . . Life “HERE” will go on. Because “they’ve” already found out what we all have been killing each other and ourselves over for years, to find out. If we could all just have a little “Faith”, then maybe THIS LIFE, wouldn’t be so overwhelming and we’d be able to enjoy the ride . . . together. And not have to figure it out . . . alone. Until, the time inevitably comes when we have to ask the “carnie” to LET US DOWN. . .
‘Til Then. . . Go Figg’r!
Peace Out-Later
D A N
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