Yeah? I May Throw Like a Girl, But I "Pitch" Like a MAN!

All Seriousness Aside…

I did get a baseball scholarship in College. For the FIRST year. Seems you have to be good to get a full ride! But this isn’t about my athletic prowess. No, I’d like to focus your attention to the JUMBOTRON in Centerfield (up above). That is something that those of you that have read my bit, have probably seen before. At least I HOPE you have. It is another of my CREATIONS designed to be a part of an upcoming FULL LENGTH ANIMATED FEATURE FILM (concept drawings for something I want a studio to “get behind”). . .yeah, so anyway.
I’ll be the first to admit that my first “pitch” has fielded no offers from anyone “in the game”. So maybe I’m just a really good “pitcher”? Maybe it’s a little tricky to hit? Maybe you couldn’t get a good read as I “delivered” it? Maybe you thought it “sucked” and don’t want to take a “swing” at it because you’re afraid of a “foul ball” or “strike-out” ? I realize that of the “numerous” folks that have had the opportunity to look at my original “pitch”, I should have at least heard something from someone who thought there was “something there”. I get that I’m a “long shot”. But I also know that I’m a heck of a lot better at “this” than I was at baseball. So if I serve up a “meatball” maybe, just maybe, someone will take a “crack” at it. . . Or “ME”. . . Worth a shot, right?
So tonight, I wanted to serve up another “pitch” that I hope “someone” will read. That “someone” will like. So even if “this “ isn’t the “ONE”; it might just give me a shot at the “BIG LEAGUES”. Or, at the very, least get me “Out of the Hole”and “On Deck” so that I can be in the position to hit “A HOME RUN” in “THE BIG SHOW”! So you’ve seen the pictures (hopefully) here is the SECOND PITCH. It’s a rough draft for your consideration. ALL OF YOU. Not just “Steinbrenner”. And I “promise” never to put these many “words” in “quotes” again. . .
February 6,1971 Astronaut Alan Shephard, member of Apollo 14 sneaks a 6 iron aboard the US’s second moon landing rocket. A world watches in amazement as he hits two golf balls further than anyone could imagine here on earth. He plants our flag, again on the moon,(We get the golf reference,right?) and the astronauts return home. But is that where it ended? Really?

When the camera stops rolling for us back home, Shephard places a third ball down and takes a swing. Repeating the words he uttered for all of us. ” I hit that ball for miles and miles”. The ball never landed.

Unbeknownst to the crew on our spacecraft, someone else was watching that day. A small group of aliens watched in amazement as a new planet joined their tiny solar system orbiting our moon. (the golf ball)

3 tiny alien scientists discovered this “planet Titleist”. They looked at this as a sign that the “big green planet” was trying to communicate with them. They rebelled against the ruler of their home planet,the ruthless “Del” and the Revoltrons. They defy Del’s rule and move to Titleist. They quickly set up shop on the “planet” eagerly waiting for our return.

October 6,1978

After years of waiting patiently the beleaguered “Orbotz” run a hotel on planet “Titleist”. They receive a steady dose of goofy and oddball clientele. They enlist the services of the GURC’s Galactic Urban Rental Commandos to keep everything in order and try to keep the Revoltrons from taking over their little oasis. Mysteriously, they pick up a transmission from earth. “The Mike Douglas Show”, featuring a young and prolific “Tiger Woods”. They see young Tiger and decide that he is our leader, when Douglas says, “He might just take over the world”. Quickly the Orbotz get all the information they can on golf. They can only get vague information from earth and become consumed with building mini-golf courses, following the trend on earth in the 70’s and 80’s.


On the Revoltron’s tiny planet a spy intercepts a transmission from earth to planet Titleist. It is the movie “Caddyshack”. The clumsy sadistic groundskeeper becomes their national hero and monuments are put up in homage to him. There battle plan is drawn up. They must destroy Tiger Woods and planet Titleist. Meanwhile, Tiger continues his rise through amatuer and pro and the Orbotz wait for a sign of his return. Both sides wait and wait.


Tiger Woods gets a knee injury but wins the Masters. He decides to take a year off, gets married,struggles with his game and decides to take a couple years off to “get refocussed”. Seeing this as their opportunity at greatness, the Orbotz decide to return planet Titleist to the chosen one. They see an ESPN report.. “Is this the end of the road for Tiger or can he return to his world domination”. Orbotz goal? To help Tiger win the masters, the Revoltrons? To Destroy the Masters, and with it, Tiger and the Orbotz’ “perfect” world. They will use all of Bill Murray’s resolve and the Orbotz will need all of Tiger’s help to save them all.

RE: The holes in time can be easily explained. Golfers are notoriously patient. Watching golf has to be one of the most boring activities ever. I love the sport, but puh-lease! It can be tied into the joke of it all. They are watching Tiger like we watch golf. The earth is a ball Tiger rules, just like “Titleist” becomes theirs.

So that was it. . . No, I’ll never get Bill Murray or Tiger to participate (eh? . . .NO), but it’s the “concept” I want to get peoples’ attention. But Bill Murray WAS Part of my “Meatballs” reference. Did it work? (getting your attention, not the meatball thing. . . and it was a “movie” for those scoring at home) I just wanted it OUT THERE. I don’t like holding on too long to things, because someone inevitably comes by with a HUGE BUDGET and something a little too similar to my idea, and negates it. Haven’t you had that feeling? “Damn it!” I thought of “The Weed-Eater” when I was getting my back waxed. Or “Crap!” I was making Apple Turnovers when I came up with “Sham-Wow!” Then it comes out in like, a week? Yeah, me too. By the way, in my house those two activities were NOT gender specific.
Anyway, there you have it. The story behind “The Orbotz”. I’ve told you, I was a toy designer for a time and that doesn’t always mean good “story-teller”. I tell people I fancy myself both. I also fancy myself WEALTHY and PROSPEROUS, but you’ve got to start somewhere. Even if it’s at the bottom of the “lineup”. I hope you ALL make the connections now with the pictures you’ve been looking at these few weeks. As far as “THE WOBBLINS” and “THE WILLIES”? I think I might need to keep those bad boys on reserve for a while. Remember, my grand total for donations is a whopping. . . . Nada. And I’ve eventually got to be able to explain all the time I spend at “batting practice” to my “Skipper”. (yeah, my wife)
Hope you enjoyed the new “Pitch”. Hope we “Hit a Homer”! Hope I can look my kids in the face when I explain there are no presents this Christmas. . . .
Keep reading guys! Comments are Welcomed (and to be honest, almost NEEDED right about now) Thanks for your VOTES! TELL A FRIEND! and Help me explain THIS to the one wearing the “pants” in my family! Funny will BE BACK, but it’s MY BLOG! It can’t be all about YOU!
‘Til Then. . . Go Figg’r
Peace Out-Later
Top Blogs Humor Go Figgr at Blogged

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