If I Stop Talking to Myself,Who’s Gonna’ Watch the Kids?


And that’s really the question now isn’t it? What to do with the kids? What to do with your kids? What to do with my kids? Who’s gonna’ watch all these kids while we’re out doing whatever it is we DO to make sure these kids are taken care of? Bathed once a week, educated in an underfunded and unappreciated educational system with so many budget cuts that the teachers are bumming lunch money from their students (when they’re not busy sleeping with them), and fed when we have a coupon for Sizzler and two of them are staying at a friends house? I think I might just have the perfect solution. I harken back to a day that seems to be lost, but has metamorphisized since I was a child, with the introduction of low cost and modern technology such as: PC’s (that stands for Personal Computers), Video Game Systems (such as Commodore 64’s and Sony DreamCasts) and of course the ever popular (laser disc systems and Video Tape Players). The world of the “Latch Key Child” seems to have been forgotten, but is reemerging and taking shape in our children. The very ones that are desperately in need of some sort of entertainment. It is obvious to me that this movement is occurring at precisely the right time and at a pivotal and decisive juncture in our Nation’s history. When the children seemed to be showing signs of apathy about their futures and were not offered enough in the way of cognitive stimulation, which can shape young minds and get us “Back on Track” as THE WORLD LEADER in . . . something.

Therefore, I would like to propose that when your children are complaining (as mine often do) that their is “Nothing for them to DO”, that you do what any responsible and busy parent should do in this situation. Set them in front of the Television. Oh Sure, sounds like the easy way out, but you’ll be doing them a favor. With crime rates at a staggering clip, you don’t want them going outside, do you? It’s merely a safety precaution and in the end, I’m SURE they’ll thank you for it. So I would like to introduce to you my very own:
TOP 10 BEST MOVIES . . . . EVER! (Go Figg’r style)
Just a note (a very LONG note): The results my be skewed by either my age, gender or social status. If you find this to be the case and don’t agree (for whatever reason) then . . . I’m SOOOOO Sorry, Fancy Pants! Until or unless YOU write a blog, providing such a valuable service and time-saving tool to the “Parents of the World” or one that I actually deem entertaining (or worth a toss), then we’re sticking with MY list, ‘kay? Now if I may. . . This list is subject to change (and often does) depending on what “mood” I’m in. Your results may vary (and most likely will). But it beats a babysitter and you can still watch it when you’re not busy waiting on the kids hand and foot. Incidentally, These happen to be my TOP TEN ALL TIME (without parental control) – even though in some critical moments you may want to distract your kids by pouring hot food on them or asking them to take out the trash. I offer the reasons for my choices from a pure “viewer-enjoyment” perspective. If you raise your kids differently. . . Good for you! Wanna’ plaque or something?
These are in no particular order:
#1 The Wizard of Oz (1939) – The Flying Monkeys thing, still scares the crap out of me! But what can you say? (nothing because this is MY bit) It is timeless. It has all the components needed to deliver the goods AND after watching it just last week, I have to say Judy Garland was “smokin'” back in the day! I’m not sure what happened to her later in life (yes, I am, I have “Biography”), but her daughter is a stone’s throw my friends!
#2 It’s a Wonderful Life (1946) – Jimmy Stewart was at his (Aw Shucks ma’am) best in this classic. I DO wonder sometimes why Clarence wore a dress when they pulled him out of the river. I guess it really was “groundbreaking” for its time. Mr. Potter is a TOTAL Ass! Makes me want to actually have dinner at the dinner table with the family after watching this. (almost)
#3 Psycho (1960) – The first one I mention that may involve sending kids to the other room. Especially if you have teenage boys. The shower scene in my childhood was almost erotic. Up until the whole slice and dice MURDER thing. If you don’t want to squirm, send them to try to start the lawn mower. The last scene of Perkins in the cell talking to his “mother” is priceless. But be sure, whatever you do, to BE GOOD TO YOUR KIDS! Don’t want to give them ideas.
#4 Star Wars-The Original Trilogy (1977,1980,1983) – Okay, I know what I said about sequels and this is one of the exceptions to the rule. You can sit the kids down and paint the house before this one is over though. I don’t need to get into the reasons for this choice. . . it’s STAR WARS. But, I will say that it’s a good “full circle” story, Harrison Ford was a Stud and the entire story could’ve been summed up in 3 Movies-instead of the torture that resulted with blasphemy and subsequent bastardizing via Lucas and crew in my adulthood . . . NEXT?
#5 Grease (1978) – It is not only the Time, The Place and The Motion. It is the Way that You’re Feeling! Am I right? Tell me I’m wrong. Either way Olivia Newton John was HOT. I’m feelin’ THAT! Travolta brought the goods as Danny and I’m not just saying that because I was an understudy to Zuko’s character in high school. (I never saw the stage) This movie was my introduction to “mooning” in 4th grade and as a result, should be a prerequisite for all kids, to avoid you having to explain it.
#6 The Shining (1980) – JACK. . . .KING. . . .KUBRICK I was going to leave it at that, but it occured to me if some poor sap is actually using this as a reference, I should let them know what to expect. What have you been under a rock? All I can say is that this movie inspired me to pick up MY very first reference book at the library. “The Donner Party, A Love Story”. Good Movie! Don’t let the kids see the 2 girls, the lady in the bathtub, or pretty much the WHOLE THING. I just Love the Movie!
#7 National Lampoons Vacation (1983) – Another “cover the eyes kids!” for the lovely display made by Beverly D’angelo. But other than that and a baloney reference and something about weed and french kissing your father, this is WHOLESOME Family Entertainment. I can’t fault Mr. Hughes (RIP) for bringing families everywhere together to compare notes and realize that we all have a cousin Eddie. Unfortunately, those of us that ARE Cousin Eddie don’t really “get what’s so funny”.
#8 Footloose (1984) – I’ve shared that I grew up a preacher’s kid. Very Strict Church! I wasn’t allowed to go to movies, dances or listen to Rock growing up. (this starting to come into focus for you yet?) So what was the first Movie I “snuck out” to see? Actually it was Children of the Corn, but this came out 2 weeks later. I bought the skinny leather tie, spiked my hair and was a complete TOOL until I turned 18. Then I became an ADULT TOOL . . . with a mullet.
#9 Stand By Me (1986) – Not your garden-variety King effort and Thank Goodness! This was an awesome coming of age movie, with SUPERB actors. Phoenix was great and I STILL miss his edginess and thoughtfulness. The “Fat Kid” does a wicked scientology spoof of “Tom Cruise”. But the story behind the boys was something that I think we can all hang on to. Simpler days and easier care-free times. As far as Kiefer? He was cool and I wish he’d kick Corey Feldman’s ass.
#10 The Breakfast Club (1985) – Another from the Master. I’ve already talked this one up since his passing, so I won’t get into it too much. But every time I see it I come away with something that I had forgotten about. No, not something NEW. I’ve seen this thing like a ZILLION times! But there’s a reason for that. It encapsulated a generation so seamlessly. And because of that my kids watch it, identify with it and we can all enjoy it. Now . . . . “Show Dick some Respect!”
You might be asking yourself, “Where are the Animated Movies?” Well, I DO like them. As some of you know, I actually want to CREATE some of these. But, with the industry somewhat oversaturated with these types of films, I wanted my list to only consist of “Live Action”. But what about “Kid’s Movies?” Again, that is what I deal with in my own efforts and putting them on a list with “The Shining” didn’t make a whole lot of sense to me. Again, My LIST-My RULES. What about “Newer Movies?” Dang, you ask a lot of questions. . .”Don’t YOU?” As I’ve stated, I don’t tend to go to movies, as of late. I don’t really see the point. When one finally and inevitably DOES arouse my curiosity, you’ll be the first to know. Sure, I’ve seen a few lately, but nothing worth mentioning. And I mean “MENTIONING” and “WORTH”.
Til Then. . . Go Figg’r
Peace Out-Later
D A N

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