What I "Didn’t" Do on My Summer Vacation

(warning: I’ve had a rough few days so enter at your own risk)
If only I’d thought of that first! No, not the guy looking for breath mints in the picture above. I rarely actually comment on the pictures I include in my blog, but I had to say a little something on an image, that to me, used to be what I fondly referred to as a “Typical Saturday Night”. I say “fondly” , because at least I would be wearing clothing and by all appearances it looks as if I made it to the “Correctly-Gendered Public Restroom”. That wasn’t always a given. I think I explained I used to get a little “crunk”, back in the day. Well, also at night and oft’ times pretty early in the morning while having a breakfast of 2 packs of smokes,Wheaties, and a 12 pack of the nastiest, most vile and subsequently cheapest “beer-related” product, I could scrounge up change for. I could usually get that polished off by noon, which is when they were “allowed” to begin selling alcohol again. Unless of course it was the bar I liked to frequent, by which I mean “LIVE IN”. That thing opened at 6 AM and was wonderful. They say it’s all about Location, Location, Location? The opportunity-seizing and entrepreneurial team of “toothless cousins” that owned the bar opened a Laundromat right next door. It’s name was “Soap and Suds”. For those of “us” that couldn’t make it from the bar stools to the washers and dryers to put our clothing on “Spin”, they offered accomadating waitresses (who were also toothless). They would dutifully and with great finesse, walk in there for you and plunk in your quarters, while getting you another drink or EXTREMELY LARGE Pitcher of Beer-related product. The beauty of the system was that the bar and laundromat shared an inside adjoining door connecting the two! The topper? There was yet another bar IN the laundromat! Talk about convenience, right? So when I say sometimes a few of “us” couldn’t make it to the appliances to change loads, we were IN the laundromat bar and just couldn’t . . . get up! We were dealing with our own “Spin Cycles”. Some just getting a little “dizzy buzz” going, while others were just in a “Rollin’ out the Barrel Roll” in life – dealing with a whole other “Downward Spin Cycle. You following me Nancy Drew?

Some of you may be saying by now, “What the Heck? What happened to the goofy Go Figg’r, that not only, wasn’t based on any real sense of reality of which to speak, but had me rolling on the floor because of his zaniness and wicked sense of humor?” AND NO, I HAVEN’T BEEN DRINKING. Well, you might not be saying that, but I KNOW you’re thinking it. Unless you’re either “drunk right now” or “just aren’t that into me”. Truth is . . . I’m right here! I will always be here. But from time to time, I find it necessary to let you know what Go Figg’r is really all about. Yes, it’s entertainment (I hope), but it’s also making people feel good inside). I know I run the risk of losing readers, because being “real” is sometimes the last thing people want to do. There are a lot of funny and silly blogs that offer you side-splitting entertainment and non-stop hilarity and by and large, mine could be grouped in that category(by me and my mother). However, I would be a hypocrite if I didn’t try to do what it is I said I believe in. I said I want to make a difference and that’s what I’m gonna’ try to do.
The type of drinking I did “back in the day” isn’t what I was doing when I met my wife. By then I’d screwed up enough of my life to realize it had become somewhat of a “problem” for me. It might have been the numerous jobs I’d lost, relationships I’d ruined or the Christmas I spent in a homeless shelter by myself, because I’d drunk myself into eviction. Who knows for sure? As many cracks as I make about my wife and family, I’m fortunate that I ever found them and blessed they even chose me. I’m actually lucky they didn’t collectively kick me to the curb. But now that I’m a stand-up and model kinda’ guy-it’s evening back out! But my wife and kids hung tough and have during some “very” lean times. When we met 6 years ago, I had “kept it together” enough for a number of years to pass as a “Normal Person” only showing “glimpses of my past here and there. But it all caught up with me. The years of kicking the ever-living crap out of my body and unknowingly (because of denial) had started doing to them. When I got sick last year, it ALL changed. I realized I hadn’t only not been “Normal”, but had been cheating them and myself of my potential. I’d become complacent. . . But NOT. . . content. Just willing to settle and allow them to do the same.
Some may say after this long time not drinking, I probably have developed a low tolerance for alcohol. I wouldn’t know, I don’t drink anymore. I used to tell my folks, as I struggled with this in my twenties (spilling, literally and figuratively into my thirties) that very thing every week I talked to them – at a pay phone outside the liquor store I was getting my “lunch” from. I could do it and KNOW I wasn’t lying. I DIDN’T DRINK ANYMORE. . . Because, I sure as hell, didn’t drink any LESS. I DON’T care if people Party! I don’t even mind if people drink! If I hadn’t gotten so sick that it nearly killed me, it might be a different story today. I just found out sometimes that there are things in life that happen that show you what you are really “here” for. I had wasted enough of my life being “Joe 6 and a lot of times case-pack”. I Do have a low tolerance for alcohol now. That is probably true. But it’s because I don’t have a tolerance for people that choose alcohol or drugs over their friends and family. I was there and the alternative is so much more fulfilling. I lived it.
I am sorry for those of you that were looking for the laugh riot to which you’re used to. It will be back tomorrow, I promise. But, I had a young man “Tweet” me a few nights ago, and he needed my help. ME. I didn’t really understand what he meant. He stated that he had some problems and he wanted to ask me for some advice. Yeah, I know. Not exactly “My Thing”.But you’d be surprised how many “Drunks” I talked “off the ledge”, even during my drinking career. Anyway, this young man wanted to know if it was worth it. . . Quitting. He had read one of my more serious entries from a while back. He was just a kid, who had kids. He said he thought I was funny, and cool and LUCKY. I already KNEW I was funny and cool, but the last one kind of “stuck” with me. He said he thought I was in a position to help people and that I had a lot more going for me than a lot of people. I don’t know if this kid got the answers he wanted that night. I haven’t heard from him again. I know there was a reason he asked. I knew he was having troubles of his own. I won’t share everything that was said that night, but I came away from our “conversation” knowing, at least for that night, he and his kids were going to be alright. It IS worth it bro! So worth it, if those in your life become worth it to you!
I know I’m just a bus driver. I KNOW I want to be So Much More. But, I also know that I’ve told folks over and over that I want to make a Difference. If my story makes someone reassess their PRIORITIES in life and do whatever it is that helps them achieve that in any way, then I have. I’m gonna’ ride this pony until I achieve my dreams, but I also know that wouldn’t even be close to possible, had I not made this Life-changing Decision. Anyone that thinks they have a problem out there reading this? If you ask that,then you DO! If you don’t do it for yourself, do it for someone that Loves you. Because no matter how much you think you’re alone, I know for a FACT there’s SOMEONE OUT THERE THAT DOES!
I will be back with my usual antics tomorrow. I PROMISE. I just felt that with a platform, as minuscule as it is, I needed to do this ONE LAST TIME! (soapbox? . . . gone!)

Thank You guys for hearing this one out! (If you did – If not? Bite me!)
If you wanted comedy only tonight with no message? I KNOW not everyone’s read all my stuff. It’s timeless people! Go check it out! Otherwise, watch yourself undress in the mirror, always makes me laugh.
And for the people that drop my feed after this? You’re screwin’ the pooch!

. . . Back tomorrow with one that’ll make you crap your pants! (Because of the humor portion)

‘Til Then . . . Go Figg’r!

Peace Out-Later

D A N

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