Sequels are Stupid. . . Part 2


You can say “That” again! But why would you want to? Besides “Redundancy” there is only one thing I can think of that is more stupid. . . Repeating yourself. (pause for recognition . . .laugh) . . . I think that bears repeating. . . I DO NOT ENJOY repeating ideas, thoughts, concepts or going over the same “Tired Old Territory”. When I was doing the research for this entry, (Yes, on occasion, I do have to look certain types of information up for reference purposes), I found a wealth of information on the subject. So is this idea new? NO. But just like any intellectual property, I am allowed to put my own spin on it. So in actuality, what I am doing could be compared to Rob Zombie remaking John Carpenter’s “Halloween” (and NOW, H2 -ugh). But let me assure you that this is not a sequel to anything that you may have read to date. By merely mentioning that this subject has been broached, I invite you to peruse the net and find something comparable to my thoughts either in heart, strength of content or on the overall “Making You Want to Pee Yourself with Enjoyment Index” . (But wait until I’ve finished my bit. I worked really hard on it)

I will Go Figg’r it in my usual fashion. (With ferocity and reckless disregard for those who stand in my way) while simultaneously playing to your amygdala and tugging at your heart strings. As always, I will tie it up nice and neat and even put forth the assertion that this type of behavior can be true when utilized in every day application. So with a nod to my friends at the Mutant Cafe (circa: whenever they wrote their article the first time-and by the way, they’ve done it multiple times-meaning they’ve gone to the well more than once themselves “Hey guys! What’s up?”), I give to you a “spruced up” version and my take on repeating the same, old same old. From the “Cow Flop” that HOLLYWOOD keeps churning out, to waking up everyday in YOUR OWN BED and saying, “Oh Crap! . . I’m awake. . . Now what? Can I get a Do-Over?” This is what I affectionately refer to as “My Own Little Personal Groundhog Day !”(anyone else ever do that? No?) Well, nevertheless this line of thinking is also exactly the rationale used to bring you such hits as “Look Who’s Talking Now!” and “Caddyshack 2”.
There are those that would argue that SOME Sequels are “Necessary” for telling the Complete Story. That might very well be true. But there are also some really bad stories that throw 3 or 4 loads into the “Story-Telling Hopper” and end up making a horrible mess of a completely atrocious idea, that had no real reason for ever being conceived of in the first place. I’ll give you an example of one of the movies that was the exemplification of the way this worked out in a best case scenario. The Movie? Star Wars . . . . I will also give you an example of when this not only was a horrible idea, but when it was done, not only made a shambles of a potentially storied franchise, but made me physically ill and dangerously close to finding a way to have the individual responsible sent to wherever they sent exiled director Polanski to, because of the mere shame that a fellow countrymen had caused not only me, but all of humanity. The Movie? Star Wars . . . . But our extradition treaty with Tattooine and France had lapsed and I was looking at another like, bunch of light years for the paperwork to get pushed through, even though I tried to “Fast Track” it and had a friend in the Imperial Senate .
I’ve recently become a member of a couple of Entertainment Website Organizations, that for whatever reason, seem to pride themselves on being nerds . I did this ONLY so that I could become more knowledgeable on what is happening on the HOLLYWOOD scene. It is for the “research”. The people that belong to these sites are not typically the types of individuals I would associate with. These are the types of people that I would’ve associated with in High School, if I’d had any friends. To protect their identities, I will not divulge their names. Plus, they said if I did, I couldn’t play with them anymore. And I’m getting really far in World of Warcraft. (as a sidenote: Who decided to make it socially more acceptable to be a nerd, just by changing the term to “geek”? Curious. Was it Best Buy ?)
But all “Star Wars” aside . . .
I’d like to point out a few films, that have recently popped up on my radar as being offenders of, not only of Redundancy, but of the ” Oh, REALLY?”- FACTOR”. (not to be confused with the pompous, overbearing, windbag hosting the O’Reilly Factor , but that’s for another day. . .)
Please Note: The opinions of the staff of Go Figg’r (me) following here within are merely editorial in nature. They do not reflect the actual talent of any of the actors participating in any of the movies included; as I’m sure they are nice enough people and have a reason for associating themselves with “COW FLOP”, such as feeding their children, stabilizing the economy, brokering a deal with North Korea that will end any and all Nuclear Testing . . .or nursing a real nasty drug habit – (Thank You -the management).

“Scooby Doo – The Mystery Begins” (September 2009) Now on paper, I agree this looks like it could be the “End All, Be All” of summer blockbusters. Look at the cast alone! You’ve got venerable voice-actor Frank Welker as Scooby Doo. Then there’s Robbie Amell as somebody,then Hayley somethin-or-other, Kate ? Oh. . . but that Nick Palatas is playing Shaggy! (What? That’s not the funny guy from 13 Ghosts and Scream?) Well all I can say is WHY? My kids want to see it, that’s why! Like we can’t just watch reruns of the cartoon on Cartoon Network without having to drag my family to a movie and writhe in both agony and awkwardness as I try to explain drug references and mild sexual themes to a 4 year old the way I had to with the Live Action “Cat in the Hat” and ” The Grinch that Stole Christmas” I was just starting to be able to take my kids back to the library and sleep at night! NO THANK YOU! This is gonna’ blow.
“Get Smart 2” (2010) I Love Steve Carrell and up until this outing, we’ve been on the same page. Even when he did “Evan Almighty” , I was pulling for the guy. And even though it was a “sequel” loosely based on Jim Carey’s first endeavor with “Biblically Enhanced Characters”. But WHY? Michael Scott? Are things going south that fast on “The Office”? Just because Rainn Wilson has enjoyed a bit of success in his “sans Office” offerings doesn’t mean you need to climb into a sack of puppies as they’re being tossed into the river. . .Does It? I had such high expectations for this guy too, I really thought his star was “on the rise”. . . (I heard that really isn’t done that often anymore, the puppy thing . . . I think, just in the South) Moving on . . .
“I am Legend 2” (TBA 2011) This is confusing to me. I vaguely remember the first film although it netted like a Gazillion Dollars (a legitimate amount), stateside alone. Everything Will Smith touches seems to turn to gold, (especially around the 4th of July – wonder when this will be released?) , except DJ Jazzy Jeff . But . . . WHY? I understand that it is a prequel and is attempting to set up the reason why his character, Robert Neville, found himself the last survivor, alone in New York trying desperately to find another sign of life. I have an idea! Why doesn’t the Fresh Prince try to find a Fresh idea instead of regurgitating leftovers! The sign of life could be an ORIGINAL IDEA! I Love me some Will, as much as the next guy or gal – and even the “BUFF” Jada , and I can even tolerate the nepotism of letting the young ones ride the coat tails, but I want something that isn’t going to suck. . . “Big Willy Style!” For the love of all that’s good, don’t make me explain why the good guy is a DRUNK . . . again! (thanks again for Hancock!)

Now to wrap up my thoughts on some of the upcoming Entertainment Extravaganzas, in the works and on the way, I’d like to explain something. I could have gone the traditional route with my opinions and chosen movies that are already “full-on” in the public consciousness, but I wanted to take a peek a little further ahead. You have to give me the Star Wars thing for the set up. . . . You have to! I’m a “nerd” AND a “Control Freak”! There’s a lot being said about the obvious ones coming out: Halloween 2, Gremlins 3, Jurassic Park 4, Toy Story 3, Saw 18 and Alvin and the Chipmunks – the Squekwel (really?), but I’ve got to leave something for next time! . . . .(next time?) You didn’t think I was going to be able to fit everything into one blog entry did you? Just think of this as our own little segue to “The Empire Strikes Back”. Only, you won’t have to wait 3 years for the payoff! Well then again. . .
By the way, it’s come to my attention that a NEW “Family Guy” Sequel to their Star Wars send-up, “Blue Harvest” will be out by the Holiday Gift Giving Season! There is one I’ll watch!
‘Til Then. . . Go Figg’r!
Peace Out- Later
D A N
KEEP VOTING! (donations have moved to my sidebar-thx)

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