At What Point Does Ones Feces, No Longer Retain Its Malodorous Properties?

YOU know them. . . I, certainly know them. The chosen few whose inner-workings and digestive tracts have undergone some sort of metabolic and extraordinary transformation. Enabling them, the ABILITY, nay I say, the POWER to walk amongst the rest of us as true “Gastrointestinal Gordian Knots“. I, of course, am being a tad bit fecicious (check the root word and double check the spelling). The people,to whom I am referring are those that would not give the normal person the time of day. Those that would just as soon walk by you on the street,if you were engulfed in flames, than take the time to urinate on you and extinguish the blaze (or at the very least, give the homeless man lying next to you a 5 spot to do the honors). Those so unaffected by what’s really going on in this world and with their noses so far in the air, that even God has to sidestep them while playing Lawn Darts. Are we all on the same page? I’ll give those of you that came in late, a second to take your seats . . .Good.

Now, I’m not one to RANT, in fact I HATE that word! Ironic, huh? I used to utilize that word quite often when describing this little undertaking. But as this thing has steadily devolved, I see it taking on a more eruditory tone. I’m not one to harangue for the sake of haranguing. I’d like to extoll some virtues and impart some wisdom. I may not KNOW IT ALL, as my marquee advertises, but I’m learning. . . and I like to share. Even a bucket of piss on a combustible comrad. (Here you go buddy, I think you need this more than I do). I’ve had the last few days, since ending my last gig, to catch up a little on what is out there in CyberSpace. What others have to offer, in the way of BLOGS. I’ve got to acknowledge that there are a lot of GOOD ones out there. There are a lot of FANCY ones out there. There are some very PROFESSIONAL ones, that offer all the bells and whistles, that I couldn’t begin to come close to in terms of sheer production value,without help from either of my teenage sons or my 4 year old daughter. (My other daughter likes Club Penguin and there’s nothing wrong with that). So where does that leave yours truly? I guess as YOURS . . .TRULY.
I’ve been asked, of late, who my influences are. On What? I’m never really sure how to approach answering that question, as I’m not really anybody of note. As a writer, I guess I’d say Dave Barry and Stephen King. Kind of a weird combo for someone wanting to write a FULL LENGTH ANIMATED FEATURE FILM, heh? As an artist, I guess it would have to be Terry Redlin and Mort Drucker. I was turned down by Mort’s agency because “. . .my style was too in line with artists they already had in their stable”.Blah Blah. As a politician, Strom Thurmond comes to mind and as a magician slash illusionist, I’d have to give it up for Doug Henning. (I told you I didn’t know how to approach the answer)
As far as what I have to offer, for the donations that I have been asking for. . .It would again have to be a resounding YOURS . . .TRULY. Maybe not today. . .Maybe not tomorrow. . .But in the Very Near Future, I want to parlay the “earnings” and take my show on the road. I understand that EVERYTHING doesn’t happen in Hollywood, but that would be a PRIME CENTER FOR OPERATIONS. I’ve not seen one nickel since starting this little FUND RAISING CAMPAIGN. My little “GO FIGG’R Telethon“. I don’t have the means or technical wherewithal to make this blog “POP”. If any of you follow me on Twitter, you know that things are actually looking a little bleak for me and my crew. But I am trying to provide you with . . .the Funny.
I hope that you enjoy my ramblings, observations and have enjoyed THE JOURNEY,thus far.
As you may (or may not) have noticed; over the last few entries, I’ve included 3 more pictures of Cartoon creations. (I also don’t like that term, it seems to demean the creative process) Nevertheless, they are the delineated manifestations of my kids in a SECOND STORY I have yet to find a “home” for. At the top of this you will see the fourth and final installment and member of this posse. It’s my son “Jake”. Hope you like them all. The Story is solid. I just need a shot. I understand that I’m probably barking up the wrong tree and that ANYONE that could actually help me get somewhere probably doesn’t read something as lowly as this, but I am a sucker for happy endings! That’s playing Devil’s and several “Tweeps” Advocate. I NEED YOU ALL!
For the rest of you. . .I’ll still be here as long as I can keep them from shutting off the internet and phone. I’m looking for work every day, but no one wants to hire me knowing I start driving again in September. I take the time to do this because it’s better than drinking and I want to make my wife and kids proud.
One More Thing,
For those of you that Believe in Me or SEE something in what you READ or in MY WORK, Let someone else know. Get out the Word. I promise not to make this thing about me ALL THE TIME. But, I am pretty interesting and like I’ve said so many times. . .This would make a great story. . . A Success Story! I promise My Poo WILL ALWAYS STINK! No Matter How Big I Get!
Thanks Guys! Give Generously! (unless you’re the homeless guy waiting on the 5 spot)
’til then. . .Go Figg’r!

Peace Out – Later
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Go Figg’r by Dan Freeburg is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
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