"IF THEY ARE CELEBRITIES, GET ME OUT OF HERE!"

I’m not going to take any jabs at the obvious targets here. To be honest, I’ve only watched one episode of the show, and I enjoyed it. I am a little disheartened to find out that the fat Baldwin was bounced (figuratively). But I do have faith in the one from “Bio-Dome”. Anyone that can make a groundbreaking film like “Threesome” and then turn around for a career-ending partnership with Pauly Shore (for a turkey that makes Ishtar credible); has a set on him that, I think, will quite possibly sustain him through the duration of this guilty pleasure. (This opinion is brought to you by someone who thinks that NBC has stellar and very viable programming to begin with) So my feelings on the matter may be a little skewed. But don’t even get me started on Lou Diamond Phillips. C’mon . . .La Bamba? The Young Guns Duology? Lou, man . . . really?

No, what I really wanted to focus on again was CELEBRITY in a much broader sense. I said in a former entry that I wasn’t going to dwell on this subject, yet I feel I need to revisit it and peel back a couple layers. I want to get at the heart of our obsession with who “we” make CELEBRITIES. . .
I have been “Tweeting” or “Twittering”, or whatever all day. I’ve just been sitting back and watching the circus unroll their tent and set up shop in this sleepy little town of ours. I’ve watched the snake oil salesmen peddling their wares and the “carnies” hit on our under-age daughters. How something so sinister as the plight of “Jon and Kate” has riveted a nation. How a “know-nothing, flamboyant hack” like Perez Hilton, gets punched in the mouth he seems to not be able to keep shut, and we all go. . .”woah!” Kind of Like a Joey Lawrence – Blossom “woah”, though, a little more gutteral. Yeah that’s it. What is it about Adam Lambert, that intrigued us (or me) a week ago? Just to see him starting to fade away like Billy Baldwin after the “Sliver” premiere. Sorry, I had to get in another Baldwin. No matter how obscure the reference. I’ve got a deal with Netflix. That reminds me, I think I still have a copy of “About Last Night” under my driver’s seat.
Speaking of Demi (or MRSKUTCHER – her twitter persona – clever and probably a way to make up for not taking his name). I am very interested in hearing or reading more about any recent dental work you’ve had done. (biting sarcasm) In actuality, all it really does, is reinforce my belief that you are indeed significantly older than MR. KUTCHER. I have the sinking feeling that she will soon be the long-awaited replacement for Martha Rae (rest her soul) in a whole new series of Polident commercials. Yet we, as a world, can’t get enough of this crap! Gotta’ love it! I am quite sure I understand the split with Bruce now. He wanted to go for the aesthetically pleasing “bald” look and she wanted to go “Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs”. But if you do ever have the opportunity to read her “TWIT” (yeah), you’ll find she is a kind a generous person, who encourages everyone to take part in various charitable organizations. See there! She’s using her CELEBRITY to make a difference. (and pimp her dentist)
All seriousness aside. . .
I do want to know if Robin and Dr. Phil are breaking up. I do want to know how to lose the extra baby weight like that “Sabrina the Teenage Witch” chick. I do want to know if Kate has domestically abused Jon in a way that makes him say his “F’s” funny and walk with a limp. I do want to know why Ed McMahon hasn’t returned any of my phone calls. I mean I do have a little gold I’m trying to turn into cash. God Help Me! I find this stuff interesting. At least mildly amusing and worth taking a shot at. But why? I know the long-running theory is that knowing about celebrities lives (and often misfortunes) offers us “regular-folk” an escape from our “boring everyday lives”. I’m not real fond of theories, though. Make no bones about it. I want to be a CELEBRITY. I think there are a whole lot of us out there too.
I understand that a large portion of these folks had to work long and hard to do it, too. Don’t get me wrong. I know it takes sacrifice and hard work. Harrison Ford was George Lucas’s carpenter, Perez Hilton had to learn to write, Dr. Phil was Stedman’s shrink, Octomom had to sleep with a plastic surgeon and a fertility specialist. I mean the road to CELEBRITY is a long and treacherous one. The payoff when you get there, according to the CELEBRITIES is marginal, at best. I’m not sure I’m willing to take their word for it though. I think I wanna’ walk in their Ferragamos for a day. On second thought, skip the shoes, I’ll take the money.
And if you read this blog often (you don’t), I’m on my way to stake my claim and find out what’s behind door #2. Hopefully not the donkey with a potato cart. I hate that!
Peace Out – Later
D A N
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